Step 9

Forgiveness, Rekindle, Grace
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible.

Summary and how it applies to the 12 steps.

Step 9 of the 12 steps is designed to mend social harms wherever possible. This includes a sincere apology, a request for forgiveness, and a true attempt to fix the harm that an addiction may have caused. There are instances where amends are not possible. Sometimes a recovering person could cause more damage by contacting the person.

The individual in recovery will need to assess each relationship on a mental, physical, social, or even legal factors. There are times, if appropriate, indirect amends can be made. The most common form of indirect amends is writing a letter asking for forgiveness. If amends cannot be made one must be willing to accept that to help ensure their recovery. Acceptance practiced in earlier steps of the 12 steps will help the recovering person let go of what they cannot control.

Step Exercises/Discussion Topics

  1. What amends do you think that you have already made? These can include apologies already made, helpful tasks for those that you have hurt, changed attitudes and so forth.
  2. From your list of amends, if there are apologies that you need to make, write them down first.
  3. Read your apologies to a friend or a sponsor and ask them if it sounds sincere or if it sounds defensive or like an attack on the other person. 
  4. Role play with your sponsor or friends for anything that you are going to say when making amends. Record here how these practice
  5. sessions went and what you learned.
  6. After you have had your first encounter with making amends, how did you feel about it? How did the other person respond? What have you learned from this? What would you do differently next time?
  7. After you have done your first several encounters, how are you dealing with the feedback from others after making amends? 
  8. Have you had any dreams about making amends? If so, describe them in detail.

Other Steps of The 12 Steps

Step 1
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Step 2
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Step 3
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Step 4
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Step 5
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Step 6
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Step 7
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Step 8
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Step 10
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Step 11
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Step 12
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